Hopeless

Hopeless. That's what I am. 

An absolutely hopeless romantic. And I don't care what anyone thinks about that. Perhaps my idea that some handsome guy will come along and sweep me off my feet and we will fall head over heels in love with each other. And he'll look at me like all women want to be looked at. And he will be chivalrous and open doors for me. And kiss me on the doorstep. And not try anything. 

It will be a loyal, honest, fun love. I could care less about the material things. Just the memories. And the love. 

I know with technology and social media and the way dating is these days, along with the divorce rate... The idea of true love can seem bleak to some. Even impossible. But it's not. I've seen it. I've seen it in people who met when they were 14 and I've seen it in those who met in their 50s, 60s, 70s, it doesn't matter how young or old you are. 

Maybe it's naive and cliché of me to think this way.

But when there are 7,286,665,128 people, give or take a couple hundred depending on the second you look at the clock. When there are that many people in the world, how can there not be one out there for each person that is the person their soul longs for. 

And even if the divorce rate in the United States is 50-60%, I'm positive that the large majority of those cases are of people who settled on who they married. Now that's obviously not always the case, but I truly believe that if you're with the person you're supposed to be with, no person or circumstance could get in the way of those two people being together. 

I'm not naive enough to believe that love is perfect. I know it's not. Nothing in life is. But I believe in love. Messy, crazy, imperfect, amazing, beautiful love. And with all the miracles that take place in life everyday, how could love not be one of them? 

So you can call me crazy or naive. But I know, I KNOW that true love exists. And I hope to find it one day. Because love is what makes life worth living for. Not for every person. But for many. Everyone wants to be loved, in one way or another, whether they admit it or not. It's human nature. 

I don't expect it to walk up to my door tomorrow. It may be a long time before I find it, if at all. But regardless of if I ever do find it or not, I know it exists. 

And love is scary. Bearing your soul to someone, letting them in with everything you have. Allowing them to be the one person who can break you more than anyone in the world, but if you don't take that risk for the one you love, you'll never know. 

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. Or so I've heard. 

Balance

When in your life is it okay to be selfish and when is it not? I don't think I've fully figured out that system yet. And I think truthfully it's because there is no system. (How unfortunate, I know). But there are times in my life when I just want to do everything for everyone regardless of how it affects me in the end, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I will many times take all others' feelings into consideration over my own. And then I get online and read articles about how "these are your selfish years" blah blah. But then, other than that, I've never really heard the term selfish used in a positive connotation. You never hear things like, "Aw she was just being selfish, good for her, I'm proud of her." No because I don't feel like there is a good way of being selfish.

Now on the other hand, how can you ever be happy if you put everyone else in your life before yours and never do anything that solely benefits you? Is your unhappiness (in some cases, but not all) worth everyone else's happiness?

I think figuring out when it's okay and when it's not okay to be selfish is one of life's more difficult dilemmas. 

And I think it also depends on the kind of person you are. Some people sway more in the way of caring only about pleasing themselves because I mean why shouldn't they? It's their life right? They should do what makes them happy. And then there's others who tend to be more people pleasers and are just happy mostly if the people around them and people they care about are happy. I'm more of the latter. I can't help it. I like seeing people be happy. Especially if I can be part of the reason that they are so happy. It makes me feel good. But then sometimes in doing so I kind of forget about needing to do what's best for me. Not even in a selfish manner. 

So I guess like anything in life, it's all about balance. 

Now the only trouble is, figuring out how to balance it...