.
How does life still go on, the world still turn, when tragedy hits? The hustle and bustle of people pushing through with no understanding or acknowledgment of the utter crumbling of your insides that are covered by a weak smile, a fake smile.
Loved ones reach out, send love and prayers. Acquaintances’ thoughts are with you, for a few days at least. Strangers haven’t the slightest idea.
That all lasts, for a little while. Then routines go back. Yearly anniversaries are all that remain for others.
Normal. Everything is normal. For others.
But inside, nothing will ever be normal again. Every single day carries grief with weight so heavy, it’s a wonder how you bear it. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries turn into a burn that needs tending to, but no one wants to deal with it. A bandaid will do. It never heals fully.
Eventually you develop a new normal that will never feel normal. With this gaping hole that nothing can ever fill but you try with drugs, alcohol, busyness, anything that you can do to tell yourself you’re okay when really you’re barely keeping it together.
Grief and loss are the most lonely and isolating experiences. And they have a lasting impact that can’t be repaired, no matter how much you try to cope.
But at least we’re together in that.
