Feeling Inspired

And in a second, everything changes. The words come out of your mouth as they pour into my mind. Spine-tingling, mind-numbing words. So many words but nothing to say. Everything you (or I) thought before is now seen from a new perspective. Not the same. Will never be the same. Forever changed and unchangeable. These words, the words that are so hard to get out will mean nothing to you but are trapped in me. The only way I can get them out is here. Here and now. Even so, they might not make sense to me later. How can something so evolutionary, so normal, be so complex and so out-of-this-world. I am not asking you. I am telling you. Not just one thing is changing in one life. Everything changing. Every life. 

On that day, that one little flame set the world on fire. Uncontrollable, untameable, unstoppable. Not that there was anyone there to stop it. It was inevitable. Destiny? I wouldn't go that far. But is not everything in our life already decided? There may be a divine soul out there choosing our fate right now. Who lives. Who dies. Deciding the change. Is our fate set from the start or does it change as we go along. 

I find myself frequently looking up at the stars. Looking up or looking at. Sometimes even I do not know. What do I feel? What am I supposed to feel? Right now I feel selfish. I also feel that non explainable sense when you realized a change has taken place and you want to go back to where you started. Feeling almost helpless because you know that you are not intelligent enough to come up with a way to change it back or to go back in time. To youth. Yes, I am still in my youth but being pulled at a remarkable speed out of it. Unfair. That is what I want to call it. Unfair seems to be the proper word but it is not. But the word we are looking for is not "unfair", as much as we want it to be. It would be much easier that way, would it not? But we all know what that word is. That ten letter word that we hate to hear, love to prove wrong, and cry because we know it is true. 

Impossible

They tell us no thing is impossible. No feat. No task. No wish is impossible if we just set our minds to it. They were right. Because in my mind, no thing is impossible. But outside of my mind it seems, sometimes, that everything is impossible. 

So with all of this, what do we know? What do we have? And what can we do?
We know a change has occurred. This change is irreversible and it is forever changed.
We have life, we have love, we have one another. 
And the hardest one: what can we do?
We can take many paths with this one.
We can accept this change as a gift, as a choice, as a fate.
We can accept it.
And the latter. We can not accept it.

What do I want to do? I have yet to decide. Of course I do not want to accept it. Whoever, divine being or human being. Whatever, whoever caused this. This change. I do not want to accept it. Unfair. Unfair. Unfair. 
Impossible. Change. Acceptance. 
In time you need to accept things as they come, as they are. I am still working on that part. With everything in my life. It is always hard to accept change. Eventually it will happen. Right? I can only hope.

But until then, I will be here, writing, thinking, unaccepting of these difficult changes. Thinking, wishing, hoping for those impossibilities. 

And they said nothing was impossible.