Here's To You

         Often times we take life for granted, never cherishing the things we have and the people that we love. One day they’re here and the next day they could be gone. And the worst part is, we can’t predict it, we can’t stop it, we can’t do anything about it. There’s all of those quotes like “Live today like it’s your last”, and we all try to think that we do that. But as your day to day life goes by, some are boring, some are exciting. You’re not going to remember every day of your life. You remember the ones where you did something exciting, or where you were just absolutely happy, or the sad ones.

          I remember one. It’s not so much the day itself as the feeling I had. And I didn’t actually remember it until I was there again. Every year my family has a reunion labor day weekend at my relatives house in Montana. This year was a special one because it was going to be the last one that we would have there. But all of those labor day weekends, whether I was consciously cherishing them or not, were always such a great time that I wouldn’t forget them anyways. But last year, I remember the time, the exact location, what I was doing, and the way I felt when I found out about a friend of mine who had just passed away. I only got a text. I was outside of the hotel with a friend, going to get my toothbrush from the car. The text said “Tommy is dead”. I read it aloud. Wait, which Tommy? Do I only know one Tommy? No it couldn’t be that Tommy. What other Tommy do I know? I don’t know any other Tommys.

          It’s extremely hard, as a human being, to comprehend death. We don’t know exactly what it means in the long run, but we do know that it means that we cannot do the same things we once did with that person, that we cannot ever talk to them again in the same way, we cannot hear their voice, we cannot create more memories with them. And even that is hard to comprehend. As for me, when I have experienced death in my life, I always try to picture myself in a conversation with them, and then thinking, that I can no longer do that, and why cannot I not? How is that possible?

          And so the other day, when I walked in that same spot, I thought about what happened, how I felt, and everything that has happened since then. It’s been a year already? My, oh my how time flies. And I knew that. I know that. I’ve been told it a million times, and I’ll be told it a million more. It doesn’t make it go any slower. But in that spot, I had that sense of déjà vu. But then I thought, I wonder what Tommy would be doing today. But none of us can ever know that now. I only hope that is family is coping well with their loss. I know that they have help from all of his friends that went to help commemorate him tonight. I wish I could have gone. But on a school night, it’s not so easy to not be home at 8 pm. I have been thinking about him, though. I do hope that wherever he is, he’s not alone, and that he’s happy. I mean Tommy is pretty good at making friends so I’m not too worried about that.

          I just wanted to say my favorite memory of him, though. I haven’t been very close with him for awhile, but I always think of the funniest memory. When we were all in third grade at Mullan Road Elementary, a couple of us girls who had a crush on him were by the drinking fountain giggling and staring at him, and then I think one of them told him that we all had a crush on him and he just gave that big Tommy smile that he still had always. Makes me smile every time. He was a great kid. I know he had so many loving, loyal friends in his life and for that, I know he is doing just fine wherever he is. So here’s to you, Tommy. One year since your absence from our life, but to the start of wherever you are in your new life. Thanks for all of the memories you brought to all of your friends and family. And for helping us all cherish life a little more.