Looking Forward

             So I just spent an hour, going through every single blog I’ve ever written because I swore I have written about this before. And in every case where it was almost what I wanted to say, it just wasn’t quite there. And then I realized, there are always going to be similar experiences in your life, but when you look back on them, you realize how different you feel each time. No moment ever the same. Because as human beings it is in our nature to change over time. To progress. To become the very best versions of ourselves before we leave this place and go onto the next.

            Tragedy strikes. Over and over again. And when this happens, we feel like we lose control of our lives. Because for such long periods we feel invincible and strong. Like we could carry the world on our shoulders. We feel this way, knowing all that we know about life and death and how quickly things can change. Why do we feel that way? Yesterday morning I felt that nothing could conquer me if I could just handle my day at work. And then you hear the news. And you realize how small you really are. That no one can stop fate from taking its course.

            When bad things happen, it reminds us how delicate life truly is. I said before that there are moments in life that remind us how thankful we should be of it. And this is one of them. Although when I said that, I wasn’t thinking of tragedy. But then I guess we don’t know what those moments that we have in life that will remind us to be thankful will be like. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Every good thing, every bad thing, every little thing, and every big thing in our lives is put there for a specific purpose that, although we may not understand it at the time, it is there to guide us to the places we are meant to go.

            So no, it’s not always going to be fair. Sometimes is drives me crazy how unfair life can be. Why bad things happen to good people. Why good things happen to bad people. There is no balance for that. And there never will be. God isn’t up there looking at a naughty and nice list per say and because John is on the naughty list, let’s have tragedy strike him. No. That’s not how it works. I try to think of it like this. Each of us has a path mapped out by God. He has a plan of where he wants us to go that will be the best thing for us. But of course none of us stay directly on path, if we did we would all be perfect and we’re not. But when we stray off paths, we run into other people’s, or they run into ours and it takes it out of balance. We cannot control what choices other people make so it is hard to stay on one path.

            The point is: regardless of how off track we get, in the end we will go where we were originally intended to be. And it’s not going to be easy. It’s never going to be easy. People will hurt you. You might hurt other people. Bad things are going to happen and we may never know why. But it is at those times, and all the time if you can, to look at your life, your past, your present, and what your future may hold and realize all of the blessings that are present. Yes, sometimes God has to make sacrifices for us. But he doesn’t just bring the bad down upon us, he is also the one responsible for all of the good things in your life. So when things do get hard, it may be tempting to ask Him, why? Why me? Or why did it have to happen to them? Because we may never understand His reason. We just need to say Okay this happened, now how am I going to respond to it? That is what attitude is. And if you have a positive attitude about life, then regardless of the bad, you always see the sun coming up on the horizon. You know that with each new day may bring new happiness, new blessings, new life.

            It’s not going to be easy I can tell you that much. But it will be worth it in the end. So keep your chin up, your prayers high, and know that there is a purpose for all of this madness that goes on down here. He is never absent, he is always watching and planning for the greatest things. Just have faith and hope. Today is a new day. So look forward to the new things it may bring. 

So Do You

I think daily, we are constantly reminded of reasons to appreciate this life that we are given. Whether it be a person, a response to something, or just a moment that takes you out of a selfish perspective to see the wonderful opportunities that lay at your doorstep. Today my reminder was an older man who came into my work today. He was very old but seemed very happy and at peace with himself. I, personally had been a little down on myself the past couple days. No particular reason. Well, maybe one. But anyways back to the old man and his wife. It was pretty slow in the restaurant at the time so I was just doing some deep cleaning trying to pass the time. I brought them their food. He talked to me for a little while about his family. He showed me pictures of his grand children and his great grand children. And then he asked me if I’d like to see a picture of his pride and joy. I said yes of course. So he pulls out a picture of two cleaning products, one with a label “Pride” and the other labeled “Joy”. I started laughing and said that was a good one. Thought about personally using it myself but since I’ve mentioned it on here now I don’t think it would work, not only that but I don’t know if I could pull of the whole comedic act anyways. As I kept working he or his wife would mention something to me. He made jokes about charging me for his food and what not. And I said I’m happy to be serving someone with such personality. To that comment he responded, well I have to be in a good mood, I’ve had over 15 surgeries in the past 10 months. I said wow, I almost have to have the dentist happy gas me just to clean my teeth. I can’t imagine that many surgeries in a hospital. Then he told me that in three cases they almost took his life. To that I said, well no wonder you’re such a happy person, you have so many reasons to appreciate and be thankful for your life. And he smiled and said, yes that’s right, but so do you.

            So do you.

And I really do. I needed that conversation and that moment in my life. I am a pretty thankful person. I realize and appreciate what I have been blessed with in my life. But sometimes you get so caught up in yourself, in your own world, and when your small little world isn’t going exactly as you’d like it to, you get down on yourself, and you forget about all of the good things, people, and opportunities that you have surrounding you. I try to remember to be thankful and say so every night before I go to bed. Just to take a couple minutes to think about all of the things in my life that mean so much to me. But then there will be days where my mind gets clouded with things I don’t have or things I can’t do and I’m misguiding myself. But it’s little things like that conversation I had with that gentleman and his wife today that bring me back to a position where I know how incredibly blessed I truly am. I love my life and I love the people and the things in it. (not all of the things and not all of the people [aka my batshit crazy boss]). But there is so little to be down about and so much to be happy about.

Like for instance how my WONDERFULLY AMAZING HANDSOME STRONG STUDLY boyfriend played in his game today. Regardless of the outcome of the game, he did so well and I am so so proud of him. Words can truly not express how excited and happy I was to watch him pitch. He has come so far. In all of the time that I’ve known Bryce, he either wasn’t in season for baseball, and when he was, he was injured. I know he has worked so hard, and has had so much motivation to get back to this point and now he’s healthy and doing amazing! So since this is the first time he’s actually played his sport, he can’t technically call me a cleat chaser ;) I just love him so much and am so proud of all that he has accomplished.

In other news in my life. Well there really isn’t any. Just enjoying summer and working. My mom and my grandma are going to come visit me in Pullman in a few weeks so that will be so nice to see them. Hope everyone is having either a good start or good continuation of their summer. I’m glad I have so many reasons to love my life and be happy. But so do you. :)

One day at a Time

Sometimes happiness requires patience, focus, and a lot of hard work. You would think that it shouldn't take effort to experience happiness. Well, it doesn't. It takes effort to put all of the bad out of your mind, take a step back, relax and enjoy what's going on around you. For some annoying reason, many of our brains are trained to think of the worst possible situations in any and sometimes EVERY situation. Maybe it is so that we as humans can no how to react in any given situation. Like, okay I'm happy right now but just in case the world is going to end in five hours I better prepare what I'm going to do about it. And if it ends up ending in 3 days instead, I'll be able to do this, this, and this. So it's not always easy to get out of that mind set once you put yourself in it. It's not always easy to look at your life and say I'm just going to be happy and whatever happens happens. I'll tackle the bumps in the road when I come across them. But no, for me I'm looking miles down the road trying to check for bumps that I can prepare for, even if there aren't any I can see. One might just pop up on me. Who knows. I'm not always like that. On other days I'm a one day at a time kinda girl. Just relaxing and soaking in the emotions I'm feeling whether they are happy or sad. 

And not to say that on the other days when I'm looking ahead the road that I'm not happy. I am happy. But it's like a multi tasking type happy where happiness is just one of the tasks on my to-do list along with anger, anxiety, hunger and sleepiness. And maybe that's the OCD side of me. It's like well I have this allotted period of time to be happy but I can't waste the whole day being happy because I have to fit stress over my homework in there somewhere. 

You might be thinking, wow, she's completely crazy. And maybe I am. But when I get to those days where I can just completely and utterly enjoy and soak in my happiness it is amazing. I wish I had every day to do it. But then the days would start to blend together and those days wouldn't feel so special. So yeah happiness might be on my to-do list occasionally but it makes me really appreciate those other days when I can let the happiness take me over.