I Made the Right Decision

As my frustration with this silly EdTPA continues to grow and grow as the days go by, so does my affection for all of my students. Sure, there are days where whole classes at a time make me want to pull all the hair out of my head, but I can’t deny the compassion that I hold for each and every one of those frustrating, fun, funny, kiddos. The more I learn about them, the more I’ve grown to love each and every one of them. I honestly cannot say that I have a student that I do not like. There are a few students that I don’t know as well as others that I would like to get to know a bit more. But I was sitting at my desk in the classroom this afternoon, waiting for it to be 3:00 so that I could leave to go work more on this ridiculously long task of mine, just looking at the class lists. I had actually been thinking about how I need to take a couple days off from school to go to career fairs. Then I saw a schedule for convocations, one coming up next week, and I looked at the dates at the others and they were both after I would no longer be at Rogers working with my students and it actually made me tear up right there. I know that teachers leave their students every year, or I guess the students leave them. But for me, I’ve only gotten a little over two months with them and I only get two more and it’s just not enough time. And had I actually been working at their school I would at least get to see their faces in the halls on occasion and keep up with them and bug them when I feel like it. And not only do I not get nearly enough time with them, it’s also the fact that all 119 of them that I get to see every day are my very first class that I’ll ever have had so they will always have a special place in my heart over any classes I’ll ever have. The bottom line is: I just don’t want to leave them. And to be honest, there might be an option in my future where I don’t technically have to leave them for good, though, I don’t know for sure that it will be an option, and if it is…if I would take it.

My heart is just so full right now of all these amazing young people and I just wish I could somehow be there with them every step of the way until they are able to be out there on their own. And now what’s going through my head is that I’m really in for it if I’m having trouble just at the thought of leaving kids who have only been in my life for two months, what’s going to happen when I do have my own class and I’ve been with them for a whole 180 days. I’m gonna have a lot of heart aches. However, it is reassuring me that I got in the right profession for the right reasons when I’m wishing how I could just stay with them until June instead of finding an actual job for the summer where I’ll make money. Also thinking of bribing my mentor teacher to play “sick” for the month and a half that I won’t be there (just kidding…sort of). Well, I guess I should get back to working on my assessment so that I can pass it and actually become a teacher… Until next time. (Even though it’s been forever since my last blog, you’ll hear from me soon I’m sure).