Quicksand

And along the way I found myself.

Or at least that’s what I’m hoping to tell myself a year, five years, ten years from now. Because right now, I have no idea who I am or where my life is going to lead. There comes a point in your life where things seem to fall together nicely. This, is not that point. Things can fall apart just as quickly as they can fall together. I’m stuck. In quicksand. Life is pulling me down second by second and I’m not sure if I should hang on for the ride or pull myself out and into some direction. I can feel the sand soaking up my body limb by limb and working its way up my spine, arms tingling from the heat of the burning pieces pressing into every visible inch of my being. Many times in my life I wished I had someone whose sole purpose was to make my decisions for me. It really would be an ultimate relief of stress. Sure, I might not get all of the things I want in life because who else knows me and what I want better than myself. But it would relieve me of the pain and torture of having to choose between pepperoni pizza or plain cheese. To be, or not to be. But of course that person’s job doesn’t exist, at least in my life. So I sit back and look at the stars trying to read my future in them. I was never very good in astronomy so the picture isn’t very clear for me. But if I look hard enough, I can see a twinkle in a distant corner of the universe that makes me feel like one way or another, everything is going to be alright. And if it’s not, that’s my destiny too. For centuries and centuries people, like myself, have been in a place, like I am, waiting to see if the sun will continue to rise day after day, even if I’m still not moving in any particular direction. Yet every morning, when I open my eyes I see light bouncing off the corners of the ceiling telling me today is here and I’m alive and breathing. No, I haven’t chosen any path. But I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth yet, despite my indecision. The air wont last, though. This I know. It’s only a matter of time before I succumb to the sinking marbles floating around me, washing me from this place. If history has anything to say about it, it is more than likely I’ll make a last minute cling for something, anything, to get myself afloat and to keep breathing. Just as drowning in water doesn’t stop your lungs from trying their very hardest to catch even a whisper of air. So I wait. Like the last second hail Mary decision that will set me in the direction of my next stage in life. I wait. Many of my greatest accomplishments were succeeded through a last second choice or action. The time will come when my stars align, when the buzzer goes off, when the sand tries to cover my last breath and I will choose.

Until then.

And along the way she found herself. Every decision in her life led up to this moment. The seconds ticked by as she swallowed and reached out her hand. She grabbed the fleeting moment using every muscle in her body, making sure the choice was hers now. She knew life wasn’t going to present her with easy decisions. Her indecision up to that point made her choices become the only things she could see. And through a cloud of confusion she emerged gracefully, not knowing until now that someone held her hand through the entire journey. It was never a matter of decision; it was just a matter of time before she stepped forward into her life. Time was the one barrier stopping her. As the minutes moved forward, she too moved forward on life’s path, step by step.