HOW MANY TIMES. How many times will I have to tell myself that there are indeed good people out there? How many times am I going to be proven wrong? How many times will my heart ache for innocent people. How many times until it directly affects me in my life? On the news they say the chances are infinitesimal that it would ever happen to YOU. They said that. Well can you tell that to all of those parents there in Newtown Connecticut? No you can't. So obviously the chances are not that slim. They also said that, and although they hate to admit it, that now that this has happened once, the likeliness increases for it to happen again. So that infinitesimal number goes down dramatically in my head. Ten days until Christmas Eve. 18 children dead. 28 total dead. If our freedom inhibits our safety should we still get it? I don't know any answers. I just have questions that I know no one can truly answer.
I know that shooting any innocent person is horrible. It is. But kindergarten children? FIVE year olds? What did they ever do? How can you get any more innocent than that?
A man on Fox News said that this is the evil that is ever present in our world and although we have law enforcement and teachers and people who are on the "front line" to catch these people before they get through to our children and sometimes we miss some of the evil. No. We cannot miss that evil. I wish there wouldn't be that evil but I'm not ignorant. I know that it's there. But I still sometimes have those childhood dreams, probably like most of those kindergartners, that the world is good and full of good people. It is good and it is not scary. And now, not even just the fact that 18 children are dead, what about the children that survived? It is unbelievably lucky that most children are resilient. But not all are. For some of them this will affect them for their entire lives. And to those who didn't, my heart, my prayers, my thoughts go out to those families. I cannot even remotely fathom any of those feelings. I can only be thankful to not have had any tragedies of that nature in my life.
And the big questions, when will this happen again? Because as history has proven, things like this are not ever ending. Why did this happen? How are we supposed to feel safe again? At this point if I was a mother I would want to take my children out of school right now. But I'm not a mother, I don't even know how any moms or dads or aunts and uncles feel. Because I still am more of a kid than an adult.
I am speechless.
And for those officers and detectives who have to go into that school and process the scene and see the result of one to two evil, wrong people, I pray for them too. I can only imagine, yet I don't want to imagine what that scene looks like.
The parents, oh my I cannot even say anything that could even close to comprehend what they are feeling or thinking. But my prayers will be endless for them.
And as I'm thinking about it, the shooter was 20 years old. That's nearly my age. Someone my age did this.
I can't believe that a sane person could do this.
Some of the aftermath of this, parents all over the country right now probably feel the need to go pick up their kids and hold them tight. They can only do that for so long. We can't keep kids out of school. Not everyone can take the time to homeschool their kids. But the thought would be nice if we could. But we have to go on with everyday life. Parents still have to send their kids to school day to day.
I really wish the shooter had not killed himself. I want answers that I know I'll never get. Those parents want answers. This country wants answers that we won't get.
I just keep picturing what happened there in that small school with those kindergartners.
My prayers out for everyone involved.
Something went wrong here. Somewhere in our lives were letting something slip through the cracks. Something evil.
I don't even know what to think right now
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