Tick tock

It is unfortunate that we humans have to live in the constraints of time. After all, time is a man made concept. There really is no such thing as time. In the non human world, animals and creatures just live. If they're hungry they find food, if they're tired they sleep. I know that as a society we need to have some form of control, and that's what time is. It's controlling. And so it's funny and ironic when people say "there's not enough time for me to do that", when really they have all the "time" in the world. Time never runs out necessarily. It's never ending but it feels so constraining. It's a weird paradox that way. 

I'm laying staring at the ceiling (and this phone now) listening to the ticking of the clock on the wall. If not for it, it would be silent. Maybe some traffic noise outside every once in awhile. But I can't stop the ticking. Can't get it out of my head. Trying to picture a world without time but I can't. 

I spend so much of my life waiting on time. Waiting for the next hour to arrive. Waiting for class to be over. Waiting until it's a reasonable hour to go to sleep. If I get up too early, I sit there waiting for the minutes to go by before I can leave at a reasonable time. Waiting for a text or a phone call. Always thinking about what a reasonable amount of time to wait for anything is, or to do anything.

I know there's nothing I can do about time because it's always going to be there, it has to. I only wish to spend less of my time waiting for a time. Just going and doing within the time that I do have. Because I know one day my time here will be up. And I don't know how soon or how far away that is. But I don't want to spend the minutes I have waiting to find out. 

Even though time is non existent, time is precious and valuable and should not be wasted waiting. Because if time were a thing, you wouldn't be able to stop it. Waiting doesn't do anything. Time goes and goes and goes without care for whether or not you want it to. 

It's funny when people talk about time traveling. Going into the past or going into the future. Yeah it was 1960 at one point but there's nothing there now. There's no time there. It doesn't exist anymore. Neither does any future time. Christmas is coming up but that doesn't mean it's there in the future. You can't fast forward to what doesn't exist yet. 

It's actually astonishing to think about time. Because it's just not possible. You can't stop or start or change or do anything with life. It's gonna just keep going. It's like if you were watching a video of your life. It would just play and everything would happen but you couldn't do anything but sit there and watch. No pausing, rewinding, fast forwarding. It's just going at a constant rate. 

And then it's weird how time feels like it's going fast sometimes and slow other times. My whole semester of math class felt like ten years but college itself has gone by in the blink of an eye. But life is just constant. It's just what you do with it and how you react to it is how it makes you feel. 

Even though it's hard to comprehend just know that time isn't waiting for you. It's not gonna stop in the great moments. It's not gonna fast forward through the tough moments. It's just going to keep going with or without you. And one day it'll go on without you. Don't spend time waiting for time to go by because it's going to anyways. 

This non existent, human made concept of time is never going to stop for you.