Cycles

So I was listening to the song "fifteen" by Taylor Swift and in it she says when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them". It's crazy how in 5 or 6 years you go from believing every word they say, to questioning every word they say. I think the thing with boys is (and girls too) in high school they say what they feel because that's what they think they're supposed to do, and it is. But as they get older they learn to say what the other person wants to hear just to get what they want. And after falling for the lies too many times, even if someone good does come along, no one believes it. People start telling you if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. And in most cases it likely is too good to be true. But we'll never know because we never give the chance to find out. 

And that's the shitty thing about love nowadays. It's easier to not fall into it because it saves you the trouble of opening yourself up to someone who could possibly tear you down. We don't like feeling vulnerable. We don't like not having control. Because when you give your heart to someone you're giving them control of all of you because you know and they know that they have the opportunity to break it if they choose to. 

I wish people would just say what they want. If you don't want anything, say it. If you want everything, say it. If you just want sex, say it. If you wanna fall in love and give every bit of yourself, SAY IT. But no one does. No one wants to be the sappy one or the vulnerable one or the asshole. It makes sense. I know it does. Who wants to be the honest one when no one else is? 

Life is this never ending cycle of wishing that things could be one way, but not doing it because no one else does. I wish everyone would be open about how they feel and what they want, but I'm not gonna be the one to open myself up when no one else does it either. Thus, the cycle of wanting but not doing. 

So if one day you pass me by and see a very large wall built up around me, just know that it took a lot of time and assholes to do it. It wasn't supposed to be that way.