First Breath of Change

            There comes a point in your life, or maybe you won’t have one, or maybe it hasn’t happened yet, when you ask yourself “where am I going with my life? And am I happy with who I am becoming?” and if your answer is I don’t know or no, that’s when you realize that you need to make a big change in your life. I don’t know where I’m going with my life right now, I know where I want to go, but I feel like I’ve gotten off track a bit. And I’m satisfied with who I am becoming, because it’s not all bad, it’s just not where I want it to be. I want to be overjoyed with who I am becoming, not just satisfied. I don’t know where or when, but somewhere on this path of my life I lost sight of what is important to me. I lost faith in myself and faith in one too many things. And I guess in that way, I’m not as upset at what happened, because it had to take something for me to finally take a look at my life and realize that it’s not what I want to be doing with it. I said before that I hit the bottom and there was nothing I could do to get myself back up to the top. Well I’ve finally found a path that will get me there. And when I said before that I was at the top and jumped off, I think the whole time I was really already falling and just had a false sense of security. So despite all of this, all of this mess that I’ve made, the good news is I can turn it around. And I don’t have to do it alone. I’m gonna be honest, it’s been quite awhile since I had been to church. Or even youth group or anything. But I went today, and I felt like I had never left. Its amazing how welcoming it can feel. I think it was a good decision to go, and something that I can continue to do. Lately I’ve been thinking so much, more than I’ve ever thought about, and it’s not about the things I should be thinking about right now. It’s also hard because my friends and I are all going through rough times right now, but theirs aren’t so much their fault whereas mine is and that just makes me feel worse about myself. But I also know who I am and what I want, I just got way too off track and now that I’ve finally been hit with that fact, now I can make myself better. I can finally, finally breathe again. First breath of change. And I have hope and things to look forward to. I look forward to being who I want to be. It actually makes me excited. For the first time in what feels like forever I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

                     Oh, and the Cougs...well rough. And the Cowboys...well rough. And the Seahawks...yes. That's what I like to hear.