Not Sure What to Think

To properly express what I'm feeling right now I should write it down as I'm feeling it. I really want to cry. The sad thing is that I know I have to focus on my life right now and I literally do not have time to just stop what I'm doing and solely focus on this tragedy. But if it was anything but finals I would. That's why I am however writing this down so that I do not forget. 

HOW MANY TIMES. How many times will I have to tell myself that there are indeed good people out there? How many times am I going to be proven wrong? How many times will my heart ache for innocent people. How many times until it directly affects me in my life? On the news they say the chances are infinitesimal that it would ever happen to YOU. They said that. Well can you tell that to all of those parents there in Newtown Connecticut? No you can't. So obviously the chances are not that slim. They also said that, and although they hate to admit it, that now that this has happened once, the likeliness increases for it to happen again. So that infinitesimal number goes down dramatically in my head. Ten days until Christmas Eve. 18 children dead. 28 total dead. If our freedom inhibits our safety should we still get it? I don't know any answers. I just have questions that I know no one can truly answer. 

I know that shooting any innocent person is horrible. It is. But kindergarten children? FIVE year olds? What did they ever do? How can you get any more innocent than that? 

A man on Fox News said that this is the evil that is ever present in our world and although we have law enforcement and teachers and people who are on the "front line" to catch these people before they get through to our children and sometimes we miss some of the evil. No. We cannot miss that evil. I wish there wouldn't be that evil but I'm not ignorant. I know that it's there. But I still sometimes have those childhood dreams, probably like most of those kindergartners, that the world is good and full of good people. It is good and it is not scary. And now, not even just the fact that 18 children are dead, what about the children that survived? It is unbelievably lucky that most children are resilient. But not all are. For some of them this will affect them for their entire lives. And to those who didn't, my heart, my prayers, my thoughts go out to those families. I cannot even remotely fathom any of those feelings. I can only be thankful to not have had any tragedies of that nature in my life. 

And the big questions, when will this happen again? Because as history has proven, things like this are not ever ending. Why did this happen? How are we supposed to feel safe again? At this point if I was a mother I would want to take my children out of school right now. But I'm not a mother, I don't even know how any moms or dads or aunts and uncles feel. Because I still am more of a kid than an adult. 

I am speechless. 

And for those officers and detectives who have to go into that school and process the scene and see the result of one to two evil, wrong people, I pray for them too. I can only imagine, yet I don't want to imagine what that scene looks like. 

The parents, oh my I cannot even say anything that could even close to comprehend what they are feeling or thinking. But my prayers will be endless for them. 

And as I'm thinking about it, the shooter was 20 years old. That's nearly my age. Someone my age did this. 

I can't believe that a sane person could do this.

Some of the aftermath of this, parents all over the country right now probably feel the need to go pick up their kids and hold them tight. They can only do that for so long. We can't keep kids out of school. Not everyone can take the time to homeschool their kids. But the thought would be nice if we could. But we have to go on with everyday life. Parents still have to send their kids to school day to day. 

I really wish the shooter had not killed himself. I want answers that I know I'll never get. Those parents want answers. This country wants answers that we won't get. 

I just keep picturing what happened there in that small school with those kindergartners. 

My prayers out for everyone involved. 

Something went wrong here. Somewhere in our lives were letting something slip through the cracks. Something evil. 

I don't even know what to think right now 

Through The Ages

            So this is probably my tenth time trying to write a blog since the last time I wrote one. I feel the need to write them but then I don’t know what I want to talk about. But I always seem to think of great ideas when I’m supposed to be doing something else. Like studying for finals for example. When I probably should be doing that, I’m sitting here thinking about what to write about. So what did I get accomplished today? Meanwhile I’m supposed to be studying for finals: I slept in till noon. I sat and watched a Christmas episode of Spongebob. I made three flash cards. I went and got Starbucks. I watched part of a cheesy Christmas movie. I edited Joey’s 12 page paper (my break from “studying”). I took a break after my break from studying to listen to music. I stalked people on Facebook. I sat here and thought about what I wanted to write in a blog. I was supposed to start studying again at 6:15, but that just didn’t happen.

            When I began writing this, I wanted to write once again about how I wish there were more good people in the world. But I’m always going to hope for that and most of it is out of my control anyways so I erased all that I wrote about that. But one thing I’ve been thinking about lately is how much growing up SUCKS balls. I’m sorry. But I really don’t see why everyone my age wants to turn 21 so badly. Or why people younger want to turn 18 so badly. Or 16. Okay, just kidding, I can totally see the 16 one. It is unbelievably nice to be able to drive a car and not have to have your parents take you everywhere.

            Birth: You’re all slimy and sticky and everyone wants to touch you and make sure you’re okay. You may have trouble breathing, or other complications. They might have thought you were a girl, but you were really a boy with a tiny lil guy (down there) so you have to wear pink clothes out of the hospital, and I don’t care how old you are, that’s just embarrassing. You just are an accident waiting to happen. Diapers are almost too big to even wear. And you have no hair. And a large number of you are ugly, me being one of those.

            Two: You’re in this alleged “terrible twos” era where everyone gets annoyed with you. You’re too big to be held and babied all the time but sometimes not big enough to completely get anywhere you need. Oh and you still sometimes shit yourself.

            Five: You’re getting up there. All of the relatives comment on “Aw you’re getting so big!” but hey you get to go to school for half days and play with coodie infested kids who try to steal your damn toys and then blame it on someone else. The teacher is nice, but she only lets you play with your toys on HER terms. Screw that. I wanna go back home where I can play all day long and only have to take time off for naps or eating.

            Eight: You’re in real school now. You have to do all of this “math” shit. No more coloring pictures for assignments. And you’re parents are starting to be too old to even help you with half of it. If you have an “accident” in bed now, you’ll really get made fun of. You have to go to school all day, but at least you get two recesses and lunch with those cool little milk pouches where you can use them as a cannon and squeeze it at that annoying kid that wont shut up at the table. And then you get in trouble by one of the lunch ladies and you get one of your recesses taken away so someone is probably going to take your place on the basketball court and they’ll probably suck.

            Twelve: Wow. You’re in middle school with all of the “big kids” now. You don’t have to be stuck in one class room all day. You decide to try being different then everyone else. You go through that really effing awkward stage where you always look odd. You’re gonna look back on those days and think what the heck was I thinking wearing that out in public, or even owning it for that matter? But you also have to fit in, so you buy all of the trends that everyone else is wearing. Converse and gaucho pants. You put a streak of color in your hair. You start playing sports for school and realize how much dumber those coaches are than you and they don’t know anything. Oh yeah, and you have this thing called “summer homework” now and it sucks. Who the hell gives you homework during the summer. It’s called summer VACATION for a reason people. Sheesh.

            Thirteen: OH EM GEE. You’re a teenager now. You’re not a little kid anymore. You can laugh at all of those little twelve year olds now because they’re so little. Guess what else you get? Hormones, acne, and for girls…well you know what we get stuck with for the rest of our effing lives once a month that turns you into a monster once a month and you no longer EVER know what you want. You want Jimmy this week, and Toby the next. And you’re heart broken when John passes the note to Susie asking her to the dance but not you. And boys, well we know what you get too. It’s not a secret ;)

            Sixteen: The first Big one. You see all of those my super sweet sixteen shows on MTV and ask your parents for one and they say sure and invite all ten of your closest friends over for that rager and totally get that Ferrari you wanted as your first car…ha. Not. That ’98 chevy clunker is close enough. Oh and the greatest thing about having your license? Paying for gas. Mowing all of those lawns in the dead heat of summer, or babysitting those bratty kids for ten hours just to pay for one tank of gas so that you can go to that movie on Friday with all of your friends that everyone goes to but you all waste your money because no one even watches it and everyone is either talking or working up the confidence to hold hands with their newest “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. Not to mention you have a whole entire HALF of a chapter book to read, and then you have to read the other half next week, and three weeks later you have to have a freaking full two page paper written about what you thought about it. Yikes.

            Seventeen: The same boring crap.

            Eighteen: YAAAAAYYYYYYYY. This is the day you’ve waited for your entire life. You can go out and buy cigars or cigarettes that you don’t smoke. Or the lotto ticket that you wont win. Or go to the casino and lose 20 bucks on one hand. You tell your parents you’re going to go get a tattoo now and tell them that they can’t do anything about it and their response is to pack up your shit, give them the keys to your car, and a pat on the back for good luck out in the real world. So you reluctantly walk defeated back into your room where you pout for an hour and try to scheme up another way to use your new “adulthood”.

            Nineteen: You move out of your house. You’re in college. You realize that it’s nowhere as easy as you expected. You realize that everything you learned is high school is almost completely pointless for this new shit you’re learning and that it did not prepare you even slightly. You realize that you can’t b-s your way through school work anymore. You learn that you actually have to do the work, even though none of it is graded because if you don’t you’ll fail and do you realize how much you are paying to even be here? The dorms are fine, but once you move out into an apartment you think you’ll have so much time and freedom and free space but all you really get is a sucky shower head, you have to clean everything yourself, you have to cook dinner for yourself and you have to pay all of the damn bills.

            That’s as far as I’ve made it. But as I see it, 21 is just me being able to get into the bars, but now I’ll actually have to pay for my own drinks…dammit.

            I make it sound like it was all terrible. Well it wasn’t. It was all a blast. I honestly wish I could be a kid for ever. Truly, I do have it pretty easy right now. Even though I’m paying for college and living myself. I still don’t have too much to complain about yet. But I wouldn’t mind going back to having the life of a kid. It really is carefree and nice. My point is that although there are so many new and cool things to do as you grow up, just appreciate the little worries in life before you get to the big ones. Make and hold on to all of those memories. It’s stressful to think about the future. Even though I know there will be so many great things to happen, there’s nothing quite like the comfort of being a kid, growing up, just having fun. I sometimes forget how fast time is going and it’s nice to look back and think about all of the things that I had, even the seemingly bad ones. All of those things brought me to where I am now and although I miss them, I am happy to just enjoy life and try to take is slow and enjoy it and try not to wish it away. 

DB of the Year

Pardon any explicit language you are about to read. 

Annnnnd the douche bag of the year award goes out to you. You know who you are. Shall we go over the things you've done to earn this award? There are most likely plenty more things that I don't even know about but we'll start here. Strike one: you led my best friend on to think that you were one of those nice quiet, shy guys. Hand holding, movie watching, sleepovers, cuddling. He doesn't even have a fb he's so shy and quiet! Then after two months, you two attempt to commit and you decide that you want out. Bull shit. 

Strike two: after hours, days, weeks of confusion, none of us can figure out how such a nice guy could do something like that. Anger, hurt, tears. And then we are enlightened to the real cause of the matter. YOU'VE HAD A GIRLFRIEND FOR FOUR YEARS YOU POS. Who the heck does that? Oh. And on top of that, you do have a Facebook, you just blocked her from it so that she couldn't see that you did in fact have a girlfriend. What does Dawn think about this buddy? If you're going to block one girl from seeing it, you better have blocked the whole gawd dammed campus from you. 

Strike three four five six and so on:

As any good friend would, we all gave you death glares, looked down upon you, all things that make sense for friends to do. And you turn the tables on her and make her feel like the bad person? Oh you must be mistaken. It's not like she told us to glare at you or accidentally shoulder check you at a party. That's what we're here for and I would expect the same of her if the situation was reversed. And when she calls you out on that you still try to blame it on her. You know what you are? You are a manipulative, asshole, douche bag, piece of shit if I've ever seen one. And you know what I should do? I should get a group of people to go kick your ass because you would more than deserve it. But instead I'm writing this, to get my feelings out. And you know what I'm going to do now? I forgive you. I know that deep deep deep deep down there in you somewhere there is probably something good. You have a crumby way of showing anything good in you unless it's to get what you want. I'm not worried about getting revenge for my friend because karma will come around and do it's job. I just hope you learn your lesson before something bad happens to you. Not everyone's friends are as forgiving. So that girl you held hands with the other night, or the girl you were making out with last night (meanwhile still having a girlfriend) you'd better be careful. She might have a big brother with big muscles and a big agenda for watching out for his little sis or something. Right now, you are not being a good person, to anyone. So you need to straighten your shit out before it gets you in trouble, Number 19. And if you ever hurt my friend again: well she may not have a big older brother, but I do. And he'll watch out for my friends just as much as he'll watch out for me. I can only forgive the same person so many times. 

Just please, please, try to be a good person. A better person at the very least. 

Victory At It's Finest

            Well I once again have slacked on my blogging. It has been a busy couple of weeks though, to be fair. I’ve had midterms and tests and essays and then it was Thanksgiving break. It’s been busy. But for those who care, here’s how these weeks have gone.

            Over Thanksgiving break I got to drive over to the west side with all of the “west-siders” for once. I’d like to point out that I much prefer my nice little hour-ish drive to Spokane over the drive to Seattle, thank you very much. First of all, when you’re so used to only having an hour long drive, you don’t think about necessary things like going to the bathroom because at most you would only have to wait an hour. Well this little idea didn’t hit me until we were ten minutes in on our way to the west side and I realized that it was broad daylight, and there were no rest stops for about two hours. It didn’t help that my friends were texting me about how I shouldn’t think about being in warm water or think of running water. I felt bad though, I mean we literally just got in the car when I realized it. So I waited, crossing my legs for two hours until I saw the first reasonable place to stop and I quickly asked them to stop for me. Well I learned my lesson.

            I first went to Tacoma to my cousin’s house. It was so nice to see them all. Usually during the summer I go and spend a week or so there to hang out with them and go to the lake, but since I worked two jobs all summer I didn’t exactly have the free time I would have liked to go see them (sucks growing up, huh?) My youngest cousin Sam, or Scooter as we call him, is already almost 16! In fact he turns 16 tomorrow! Seriously? How does that happen, I still picture him at the very beginning of middle school and my other cousin Maximillian just going into high school. They can’t really be getting that old can they? That just means I’m getting old! Okay, not old old, just…old. Anyways, it was good to spend the night with them and we played games, well “we” being my aunt, uncle, Sam and I since Maximillian had some catching up to do with his friends, which makes sense, plus I see him here. The next day I went to UW to visit the best friend at his apartment. It was interesting. Fun, but interesting. “Someone” threw me under the bus about “some things” but we wont go into detail on that. And I got surprisingly close with Ben’s girlfriend that weekend…(??) Which again, I wont go into detail on. But the weirdest thing honestly was just being surrounded by huskies. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve been a Coug my entire life. Literally from birth. I’ve also been around some people who like the huskies so it has never been like weird. And I’m not one of those people who are absolutely crazy against the huskies, I don’t root for them exactly. But still, to be completely surrounded by huskies (wearing my coug gear obviously), it was just completely weird. I didn’t like it at all. The campus was beautiful, don’t get me wrong. I’m obsessed with their Hogwarts-like library. But there’s no way I could ever in a million years go there. I just couldn’t do it. I had fun, though, seeing my friends from over there.

            I spent another night at my cousins, and then we made the trek back to Spokane on Thanksgiving eve. That night I went to a reunion of my high school friends. It was a blast to see them all. But then I decided when I got home that I would try to “Dr. Phil” my cousins apparently and tell them to stay in school and don’t do drugs. I crack myself up. They already know I’m weird though so I’m not too worried. I just love those two more than they know and I only want what’s best for them. I want them to be successful and happy. I don’t want people to poorly influence their decisions. I definitely see a bright future in both of them, whether or not they see it. I could talk about them for hours about how wonderful they are but i wont. I will, however, kick anyone who tries to hinder in the way of them being successful in the balls (or ya know…if their a girl I’ll pull their hair or something). Sorry if that’s a little graphic or too much. But they are my two favorite people ever and I love and adore the heck out of them. So watch out.

            Thanksgiving was nice. My family is completely crazy, so if anyone thinks that I’m crazy, I’m sorry, it runs in the family. Literally though. If you only knew the things that went on at the Bushnell/Peer/Malthesen/etc household on any given holiday. This was by far one of the oddest Thanksgivings ever. But it was good and there was good food and good people. Very nice to spend time with the family.

            And now on to the real exciting experience of Thanksgiving break. Drum roll please……………………………………………………………………………………….. So, um, about that Apple Cup 2012. Holy eff. I did not expect that at all. I had faith, but faith only goes so far with the cougars. If I’m being completely honest, this was the first game that I actually stayed for the entire thing, and it’s lucky that I did. I was jumping around the entire game, not only to cheer but because I was cold. Man that third quarter cougs, you really scared me. The fourth quarter, everybody was jumping up and down, dancing, cheering. And that OT, oh my. Cuhhrazy, is all I can say. Did you watch that? If you didn’t you should be ashamed. That was the greatest feeling ever. Just like many people have said, it doesn’t matter how many losses we’ve had during the season, to win that game, on our home field, at least for a fan, it makes up for any and all losses prior to this win. I got to storm my first field in Martin Stadium. That was a little rough, though. Some way overly intoxicated girl tried to jump down the ledge I think and wasn’t very successful in that, and everybody was going around and over her (a paramedic was there, though), including Maggie and myself, which I do feel bad about but seriously, if you’re going to be that intoxicated at the Apple cup, and we win, and you fall, I’m sorry but that’s your fault and please don’t hinder my fun. Storming the field, being in that mosh pit down there cheering, seeing some of my friends and the football players. It was unbelievable. Amazing. It was really hard to believe what actually just happened at the time. Greatest experience for me at WSU so far. Hands down. And the night following the victory of my lifetime wasn’t too shabby either J It was definitely a long day though. From six in the morning till late late in the evening. Completely and totally worth it. The rest of the weekend couldn’t completely match that day/night but it was still fun.

            And now here we are back in the last three weeks of the semester. I have studying, projects, essays, papers, and homework. It’s going to be a long, rough, three weeks, but then I get three weeks off from it to spend time with friends and family back home and I am so excited. For the next, oh I don’t know, month or so, in between my school work and other activities, I will be watching as many Christmas movies as humanly possible in the time given. Just so you know. Hot chocolate, Christmas movies, Christmas cookies, baking, snow, sledding, bundling up, (I wish I had a fireplace here), and all things holiday and winter. Can’t wait! We’ll talk soon, or I mean, I’ll be talking, but hopefully soon. See y’all. 

I Wish...

I wish we didn’t have war

I wish competition didn’t lead to hatred

I wish everyone has enough food to be happy and survive

I wish people would stop comparing what they have with what others have

I wish there were no bullies

I wish there weren’t people out there who like to hurt other people

I wish for everyone to be healthy

I wish death was never painful

I wish people wouldn’t give up on themselves or other people

I wish expectations didn’t lead to disappointment

I wish for everyone to have someone who believes in them

I wish people would be loyal and faithful

I wish people would be nice all of the time

I wish people were always hopeful

I wish that for every single person, when they die, they feel accomplished and like they        left a mark on this world.

I wish for people to hold on to the big dreams they had when they were little

I wish every new day is better than the last

I wish for everyone to have a support system for them

I wish for everyone to experience love

I wish people wouldn’t be greedy

For those who are at war, I wish for you to come home safely

For those who do not have enough food, I wish that you find some today

For those competing, I wish for it to not lead you to hate

For those who are comparing, I wish for you to be grateful for what you have today

For you who are bullies, I wish you would realize the harm you are causing and stop today

For you who are unhealthy, I wish for you to become healthy today

For those of you who are experiencing death today, I wish for it to not be painful for you

For those of you who have given up on yourself, I wish for you to find that hope today

For those of you who have high expectations, I wish for you to not be disappointed

For those of you who have no one to believe in you, I believe in you

For those of you who are not loyal or faithful, I wish for you to be loyal and find faith

For those of you who aren’t nice all of the time, I will try to be nice all of the time and I wish for you to be nice all of the time from today on

For those of you who are not hopeful all of the time, I wish for you to be hopeful today

For everyone, I wish for you to feel accomplished and leave a mark on this world when you die

For those of you who have given up on your childhood dreams, I wish for you to remember them and dream of them tonight

I wish for you that today is better than yesterday

For those of you who do not have a support system, I wish for you to find it today

For those of you who have not experienced love, I wish that you do today

For those of you who are greedy, I wish today that you are not greedy

11.11.12

Treat Others How You'd Like to Be Treated

Is it really only Wednesday? Sheesh. Sometimes the weeks go by too slow for my liking, but then I think about how fast they actually go and I forget about my wishing time away. You can wish it away as much as you want and it will go, but you can never get your wish for wanting time back, so enjoy it. So no, I’m not wishing time away, but yes I am already listening to Christmas music. Don’t judge me.

          Speaking of judging, or maybe not. This whole presidential debate has gotten some people fired up, eh? I’m not going to sit here and give you all of my opinions on politics because let’s be honest, I don’t have that many. I only know what I know. All I have to say is, what’s done is done, now we can either impeach him (if that’s your side of the argument, I’m not sharing mine either way), or we can keep voting and doing all that we can and hope that he puts us in the right direction. I can just hear some of you responding to this like, psh, he’s going to collapse our society, and maybe he is, maybe he’s not. But I really hope for his sake and ours that he does a good job in office. That is all.

          On to the next piece of business: my aunt just got engaged! While she was in the Czech Republic! Or I think that’s where at least. So congrats to her! I am so happy for her and so excited that she found the person to make her happy for the rest of her life. Mostly I’m just excited because I love engagements and weddings and all those sorts of things. So much fun. Can’t get enough of them. It shows me that no matter where you are in life, there is always room for love. So don’t give up hope if you are, and if you’re reading this you’re most likely around my age so you really have no reason to give up! We’re young, in college (or near there). Enjoy your life, fall in love, fall out of love, and fall in love again. And if you already found the right person that is wonderful. Just find someone who will continually make your life better for being in it, not worse. Find someone that will treat you like a princess, or prince. And you don’t need to find that person yet either! If you’re my age, yes it’s wonderful to find that, but also don’t let that be all you think about. Be happy with yourself. Enjoy school (or the extracurricular activities at school J). Don’t sell your life short for focusing on finding love, it will find you I’m sure of it. Okay, enough of the sappy. Speaking of love…

          So for one of my English classes, we had to come up with a “linguistics topic”. The one I came up with is “What different excuses do girls give guys when denying them or declining?” My first topic was going to be how girls respond when guys use really cheesy pick up lines, but that would have had to involve me finding some willing guys to go out and use pick up lines on girls, and I’d have to somehow record it, and it’d just be a lot of work, so I changed it to the other one. I posted my topic on Facebook in hopes that people would give their responses, and I’ve got some great ones. So if you haven’t yet, go look at it, they are pretty funny. Should make for an interesting paper. I’m also going to talk to people in person about it to get more ideas. So far I think the most commonly used excuse is “Sorry, I have a boyfriend.” Hmm… interesting.

          And finally the last thing I need to talk about is this Facebook page that was brought to my attention just a little bit ago. The page is called “Spokane Whores Exposed”. Now you may laugh at this and think it’s funny. Maybe if it was in a show or something I’d laugh too, but bullying isn’t funny. I just recently read this article about a girl who was followed by this guy from school to school through Facebook harassing her and every new school she went to everyone found out about her past and tormented her. Eventually she committed suicide. Guys this is not okay. We cannot let things like this happen. I do not care what someone does, if they send naked pictures, sleep with a bunch of people, I mean I’d prefer them not to obviously, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to bully someone. It really is getting out of hand. When I first used to think of bullying, I had never experienced it myself so I always thought about the movies and tv shows where big kids throw smaller kids into garbage cans, or take their lunch money, or put their head in the toilet. Remember those? Yeah well those were funny and all, but real life bullying is not. You may be like Sydney shut up you can’t do anything about it, this is stupid, blah, blah, blah. But no, I’m not going to shut up about it. It’s not fair for someone to be bullied to the point of feeling that they need to end their life, or being bullied period. If you have a problem with someone keep that shit to yourself, you’re probably the problem in the first place. Okay, okay, I take that back. That’s mean. I just get really fired up about this stuff. It’s just not fair that someone should ever feel threatened in that way. And internet and Facebook have not made it any easier. People can not only be bullied at school now, but at home and just constantly now too. Gah. Why can’t everyone just be nice to everyone? Obviously there are people out there that I am not too fond of. But I don’t go slandering their name around. I just think quietly to myself how I probably definitely would not mind in the slightest if they maybe just moved to Canada for the rest of my life. See? How hard is that? I feel better and I haven’t ruined anyone’s life, except maybe I have some weird thoughts, but it is what it is. I didn’t hurt anyone. I’m joking obviously, for the most part, but you get what I’m saying right? This is not okay. It needs to be stopped. So if you happen to go across that Facebook page, please report it. For crying out loud people, how hard is it to be NICE to people? We learned this stuff in kindergarden ladies and gentlemen. Don't you know that you are supposed to treat others how you would like to be treated? (Unless you're a weird person who likes to be hurt, we won't count you in this case) It's not that difficult. It isn’t, try it, I promise it works. Kill ‘em with kindness y’all.

          So that’s all for now. Once again I am procrastinating my homework with writing, but oh hey, my homework is writing so I’m really not that far off. Happy hump day. Be nice, fall in love (or just have fun), and have a great rest of the week. 

Every Single Day

          Well I have almost officially made it through Halloweek here in Pullman. I still have one more night to go, though, so I don’t want to jinx myself. Not to mention this has been one of the busiest weeks I have had, school-wise, in a long time. Two full essays, a math project, among other homework and readings. But I survived that part of it. I think the first Halloween weekend was definitely more festive than this weekend. It’s kind of hard to still celebrate it after Halloween has already happened, but people are still going with it. Personally, myself, I’m ready to start listening to Christmas music and watching Elf. I am so ready for Christmastime.

          So I reached this point in my life, I’m not sure how exactly to describe it. This point where I don’t actually want anything. Or maybe I just don’t know what I want. Although, I feel like the past few months there has always been something that I wanted or that I was trying to do or trying to be. Right now, I’m just happy with things the way they are. If things change, I’ll adapt. I mean there are things that I wouldn’t object to, but I’m not putting a ton of effort into. I just made myself realize, once again, how thankful I am for the things and the people that I do have in my life, not the things that I want in my life. I have no actual need to bring more things into my life, and if they come in, then I will gladly welcome them, but I already have so much to be happy about. And I just don’t want to forget about those things like I feel I have at certain points in my life. And I know it is a hard thing to do. You get so caught up in the drama and action of life and you look at other people, what they have, and sometimes think: why don’t I have that. I want that. But then, did you ever think, maybe they are thinking the same things about you and your life? It’s just silly to expect your life to be like someone else’s, when its YOUR life, not theirs. You are you and they are them. A little obvious, right? Well if it’s so obvious then why do we all do it anyways? We compare what we have to what other people have. Whether it is material things, wealth, love, looks, whatever it is, we compare it. And we shouldn’t. I remember when I was younger, my family would always say things like “Oh Sydney you look just like so and so” or whoever they said, and then my grandpa would cut in and say, “No, she looks like Sydney”. I loved that, because its so true. Yes, we may have resemblances to others, but we are who we are. And I know I forget that, a lot. But I am trying to work on it. And just be happy with who I am and what I have. I have so many wonderful friends who are caring and always there for me, and who I get to be there for. I have an amazing family, that although drive me crazy sometimes, I know they’ll always have my back. I get to go to this incredible school with all of the people here, get an education, and hopefully eventually follow my dreams and become what I want to be. I really should have no major complaints with my life, and I don’t.  I am extremely thankful for everything that I’ve been blessed with.

          I just need to work on remembering this ALL of the time, not just sometimes or occasionally.

          Oh and the Cougs are playing today, right now actually, so cheer ‘em on! GO Cougs! Hope y’all are having a great weekend!